I can now milk a goat.

I know, I know: it’s been a long time. But you look just as good as ever, and I’m dying to fill you in on the past few weeks of my life.

I was able to finally complete training, and was assigned to the Tibet portion of the Global Passport program. ( I love saying “I’m in charge of Tibet.” Although I’m not sure the PRC would be too happy about it.) I get to make Momos, scream “Hold the Dogs!” in Tibetan, and help construct electric fences. I know I’m still vague about the program, but it’s really nothing I can explain. We go over relief work, development work, and address the causes of hunger and poverty. You would simply have to come here and see everything to understand.
Hopefully my first group did just that. I was uber nervous, but they were fantastic- a group of college kids from the University of Wisconsin- Madison. Kids (even if most, okay all, were older than me) like them renew my faith in my generation. I know that all of us aren’t lost or ignorant, but it’s sometimes hard to remember that when looking around at my peers. (Or in the mirror.)
The biggest reason it has taken me so long to update was my visit home last weekend. Up to that point I was feeling amazing. I am surrounded by rivers, mountains, and fresh air. I’ve seen life come into this world daily. I’ve experienced the culture of the south, and have heard stories of heroes. Going home after my group, I thought I would take all of this with me. I was surprising my mother for her birthday; we had planned a surprise “Donny and Marie Osmond” theme party for her. What could possibly go wrong? My grandmother spilled the beans when I was just hours from home. Three weeks of secrecy were out the window. But, okay, mom just won’t be as surprised now. She’ll still be happy to see me, and she still has no idea about her party. After visiting my family and resting up a bit, I decided to go out with my friends. That was the mistake. The experience made me think of one of my favorite quotes by Karen Kaiser Clark: "Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely." I knew that the relationship between my friends and I would eventually become strained. They’re in school, I’m not. Some of them still live with at home, I don’t. Up until a few months ago I had an entirely different philosophy on life, and we all shared that. Now that I’ve been gone- away from Rolla, away from the parties, away from the grind- I’ve realized that everything has changed. As soon as I saw their faces, I felt all of the growth I’ve made in the past few months disappear. I was back to the weak, vulnerable, anxious girl I’ve always been, and I didn’t like it one bit. My stomach started acting up, something it hasn’t done since I’ve moved to Arkansas. And at that moment all I wanted to was to return to the Ranch. Home really is a relative term. I thought I would always think of 4L farms as my home, and in a way it is- my family is there, my mother’s cooking is there, my cows are there- but it’s just not the same. The smell has changed. The furniture is rearranged. I don’t recognize the names brought up during dinner gossip. It’s just not the same. This is not to say that I didn’t enjoy some of my time there. It was great to see all of my family. It was great to see certain friends, the ones that I’ve recently acquired in this bizarre point of my life, and realize that not everything was lost. I was able to cook a meal for my brother, his fiance, and a great friend from the campaign. I was able to eat PIE at a glorious local joint. But despite all of the good, the visit still left a bad taste in my mouth.

As a result, I was a funk all last week. I mostly kept to myself, and utilized my favorite vice: reading. I didn’t sleep well, I didn’t eat well, I just wasn’t the same girl who hopped into the blue Ford Focus Thursday afternoon, headed North. So this weekend I decided to snap out of it. I spent all of yesterday in my pajamas. (I did break out jeans in the late night, to make an appearance at a dance party.) I read two books. I watched two movies. I napped a lot. It was just a very much needed day of thought, indulgence, and rest. Today I woke up and the sun was shining. I drove to Little Rock with my church companion, Neil, and we went to St. Michael’s. I talked to some good people, and then stuffed my face with delicious Indian food. Then when I got back on the ranch, I almost resolved to repeat yesterday- watch another movie, read another book. But the sixty-degree weather and ever-so-yellow sunshine changed my mind. I trekked down to the Ranch’s version of The Secret Garden: the Holly Grove. It’s this beautiful, secluded spot in the bottoms by the river. There’s an oxbow lake surrounded by Holly Trees. There are birds, bugs, and even a rotting water buffalo head. It’s just completely wonderful, completely peaceful, and it was exactly what I needed. I brought along a camera, a notebook, and a book. I ended up taking a few snapshots, but mostly I laid on top of a picnic table and soaked up the sun. I closed my eyes and listened to the birds and bugs around me. And then I did something I’ve only done a few times before: I said the Om mantra. I took in a deep breath, and with each exhale, I released a very natural, raw Om. I did this three times. And then I just was. With each exhale after that, I let myself sink into the table, the Earth. I got to the point where I felt so connected with my surroundings that I swear I could feel the movement of the Earth. And from that moment on, my funk has disappeared. My nose may be runny, my eyes may be watery, but I’m happier now than I have been all week. All of that growth I feared I had lost has been restored, and then some.

I know many will read this, namely my family, and think that this is a load of hippie bullshit. But I know that you love me enough to say “Oh, that’s nice. I’m glad you are happy.” or as most of you say when referring to my move to New York “Oh, that’s great. I know you really wanted that. It will be an interesting experience.” I can imagine that my life may seem a little bizarre, a little different to most right now. I feel like most of my family secretly thinks I should be going to RTC or ECC, living at home while pursuing a degree. But I think they also know that that I wouldn’t be happy doing that. Or scratch that- I might be happy, but I wouldn’t be the best possible version of me. I would be the version of me that is just getting by, doing what everyone else wishes her to do. I really do thank every body for being there for me the past year, and letting me go my own way. It took you letting me go for me to really make all of this happen- if you would have shown too much resistance, I would have talked myself out of this. So remember that, please, when I’m embarking on future adventures. I know the city life or rough neighborhoods may not be the life you want to live in six months, but it’s an experience I want to have. I may end up living on forty-acres or in a town of 20,000 in the future, but that’s something I need to decide on my own. Coincidentally Cat Stevens’ “Father and Son” is playing in the background right now.

This next month is going to be a busy one for me. I updated my iCal today, and woah! We have two groups, and I get to reunite with my long lost love, Ruben. Living not too far from Little Rock, I have decided to use the city to my advantage. The Clinton School of Public Service is having a bevy of lecturers this month, and I have a seat to the following:
April 8, 2009 Joseph Nye, "Soft Power: The Means to Success in World Politics"
Joseph Nye, a professor and former dean of Harvard's Kennedy School, is the author of "Soft Power: The Means to Success in World Politics," among other books. He has served as Assistant Secretary of Defense for International Security Affairs, Chair of the National Intelligence Council, and Deputy Under Secretary of State for Security Assistance, Science and Technology.

April 15, 2009 Will Pearson, president and cofounder, mental_floss
Will Pearson is cofounder of mental_floss, a bi-monthly magazine that presents facts and trivia in a humorous way. Pearson and his friend Mangesh Hattikudur first published the magazine while they were students at Duke University.

April 17, 2009 James Carse, "The Religious Case Against Belief," part of the Arkansas Literary Festival
Religious scholar James Carse will discuss his book, "The Religious Case Against Belief," which argues that "belief" has corrupted religion and spawned violence around the world.

April 21, 2009 Michael Dukakis, former Governor of Massachusetts
Michael Dukakis is the former governor of Massachusetts and 1988 Democratic presidential candidate who was defeated by George H.W. Bush. Since June 1991, Dukakis has been a distinguished professor of Political Science at Northeastern University and visiting professor at the School of Public Affairs at UCLA.

April 27, 2009 Dr. Phil McGraw
Dr. Phil McGraw is the host of "Dr. Phil," the second highest rated daytime talk show in America. The show has been making headlines and breaking records since its September 2002 launch, when it garnered the highest ratings of any new syndicated show since the launch of "The Oprah Winfrey Show" 17 years prior.

April 28, 2009 Jonathan Alter, Newsweek senior editor
At Newsweek, Jonathan Alter has written the widely acclaimed "Between The Lines" column since 1991, examining politics, media and society at large. He covered the past five presidential campaigns and has frequently interviewed American presidents and other world leaders.

I still have two days left in March though, for which I need to prepare myself. I’m off to hit the sack, and hopefully soak up some sweet dreams.

P.S. It's not in Courier. You are welcome, Mr. P.

सॉरी फॉर थे देले

For reasons I don't quite understand, my computer began to type this entry in Hindi. That is quite interesting.

What the subject line says, though, is "Sorry for the Delay." It's been nearly two weeks since I've last updated, and you are all severely out of the loop. I apologize for that, but you see, I've been quite busy.

Last Saturday was the Arkansas Flower and Garden Show. Heifer had a booth in the Kids' corner, and I volunteered to help out. We brought along four goat kids, Peter the unpleasant Rabbit, and a vermicomposting bin full of worms. It was a lot of fun. I figured the goats would steal all of our thunder, as I was at the table with the vermicomposting information, you know, the boring stuff, but I was pleasantly surprised. A significant amount of people stopped and seemed genuinely interested in vermicomposting, and requested to hear our little schpiel about the beauty of composting. I would go on and on about it here, but I don't want to lose your interest too quickly. Just know that the US produce 160 million tons of solid waste each year- 85% of which ends up in a landfill. Of that 85%, 25-40% is compostable material. Not only does composting divert waste from a landfill, but it also helps to replenish valuable nutrients to our soil. Everybody wins, rights?

It seems like I have been getting the complete Arkansas experience since moving here. Most free (or cheap) events in the area revolve around folk culture in the state. Last Monday the Heifer-ites loaded up into two vans and went to the big city to attend Rackensack. Rackensack is Arkansas' folk society, and they have a concert/gathering once a month where people bring instruments, songs and stories which they share with their peers. It was a lot of fun- I heard a lot of new folks songs, and was lucky enough to see a large quantity of quality entertainers. It's always funny when the Ranch goes to local events- I swear people must think we're a commune or cult. We all show up in these identical blue vans, and we sit together with big goofy smiles on our faces. We're all fairly young, but there's always one or two older folks who tag along, so I'm sure it seems like they are our captors of some sort. Everybody loves Heifer around here, but I'm sure there are a lot of misconceptions there, too.

Friday we once again piled into the vans to go contra dancing, the bastard child of square dancing and English dancing. It was a lot of fun- there was a complete mixture of demographics(I was dancing with an elementary student and a Senior citizen at one point.) It's a very social dance. Yes, you do start off with a partner, but most of the time you dance with everybody in the room by the end of the song. Plus, they give you instructions before each individual dance, and then call out directions during the actual song. I really enjoyed it, and got quite the work out at the same time. Afterwards my van stopped at Sonic for some ice cream and good times. This weekend has also been a good weekend for visitors. Friday one of my campaign friends, Morgan Bearden, stopped by the ranch on his way home from a business trip. He got a little tour and learned more about the organization. It's always nice to see a familiar face in the place I love. :) Saturday morning I got a really nice treat- my grandparents stopped by on their way back from California. They left for the coast a few weeks before I moved out, so I've really been dying to see them. We went to the local establishment Jones Cafe and had us a good and decent Arkansas breakfast. I then commandeered a golf cart and took them on a tour of this fine establishment. I think they enjoyed it, or at least I hoped they did. I really enjoyed seeing them. I can't wait until I can go back home and enjoy some Grandma food now. :)

Sunday was an amazing day. I got up early and made pancakes for my fellow and adventurer, Neil, and I. We then went to St. Michael's in Little Rock, and enjoyed ourselves some church. Afterwords we met up with a ranch staff member, Ryan, his girlfriend, and Reagan, a guy we met at a Fat Tuesday potluck. We all drove a few blocks and went to the amazing Indian joint Amruth. After having to drag ourselves out of the chairs we walked in the beautiful sunshine to Whole Foods where we shopped and perused the dumpster (well, this time I let Neil go at it alone. I actually payed for my food this week.) It was a very long Sunday, but a very beautiful one that deserved to be savored. I settled down in the evening with a good book and nap. Today was once again a beautiful day. I was able to sit outside in the sunshine for training all day, and even managed to get a little bit of color on my cheeks. After work I went for a shopping trip in Perryville, and the most amazing thing happened- One of our volunteers didn't have enough cash on hand to make a purchase. A random, kind, gentleman behind her gave her the two bucks needed so that she could not have to put anything back. Really... that is what Arkansas is like. Everybody is nice, happy, and oh so giving. I'm sure they look at Heifer Ranch as a cult or commune, but they love and support us anyway. It's just a nice place to be. :)

I do have a silly thing to say, though. For some reason I was really out of it today. I was practicing a presentation with Riva, and she said she had to go to the bathroom. So I offered to go to the bathroom for her- instead of finishing up the presentation for her. I didn't even catch on until everybody else in the group started cracking up and asking if I was feeling okay. I proceeded to make similar mistakes/comments for the remainder of the day. I felt like such a ditz.

We Walk

I know it has been awhile since I've updated. Life has been quite busy. My first group came in last week- we had 69 6th graders, and man, was it overwhelming. It seemed like everything that could go wrong did- a girl sprained her ankle, another got a severe nose bleed, etc. It was a little stressful, but in the end, it worked out. I was able to present a few of the homes on the global village trail, and led some debriefing and other programs. I wouldn't have made it without some of the girls here helping me, but I think I did okay for my first time.

I actually had one of the best weeks ever last week. It started out not too exciting, but ended up to be a blast. The beginning of the week was preparation for the said group, and was fairly monotonous. Wednesday we got a surprise- A Gandhi Peace Walker, who is making his way from LA to D.C., stopped by the ranch. His name is Dermot Butterly, and he's quite the character. He moved from Ireland to America several years ago and tried to be an actor. He did some stage shows, but then went to a yoga class because of a girlfriend. The relationship ended, but he held on to some of the beliefs the girl had taught him. (Most great things are because of a woman, right?) I really enjoyed talking to him about his life, his mission, and just life in general. A huge group of us from the ranch went to a potluck where he was, and we sang, played music, and talked. It was a lot of fun, and was definitely a bonding experience.

Thursday night we went to a benefit concert in Little Rock. It was good music and good people. I wasn't really sure what the benefit was for until I got there. It turns out it was to restore the Dreamland Ballroom (click the link to check it out), which used to be this amazing concert hall back in the day. Greats like Ray Charles, Louis Armstrong, Duke Ellington, Ella Fitzgerald, Etta James, and Nat King Cole have played there. We heard a good bluegrass band, The Woody Pines, and had a grand ole time. I got to break out some of my west coast swing moves, and one of the ranchers taught me how to two step. Yee haw!

(Here's what the theater looks like now. It's still gorgeous, even if it is falling apart.)Friday I went to another potluck with Dermot and his girlfriend. This time we had another special guest though, a local Benedictine Monk. Dermot brought along this amazing instrument, the harmonium, and lead us in a chant. It was really calming and a pretty neat. But who knew there would be a monk in Perryville? He was a really, really neat guy. Very open, very talkative, very interesting. I definitely look forward to getting to know him more. My parents also showed up that night. I was really excited that they came to visit, and it was a wonderful weekend. Saturday we hit up a local diner for breakfast, then went off to a few flea markets. Erin, one of the livestock volunteers, was nice enough to let us bottle feed the goat kids. As you could see from the previous pictures, they are perfectly adorable and sweet. They will goof off and climb boxes and people. It was rainy and cold, but the experience was perfectly enjoyable. Later in the day the sun came out and the temperature rose, so we drove up to Petit Jean state park. It is on one of the tallest mountains in the area, and houses several trails and one amazing waterfall. We had a fun time taking in the sights and just being together.

Sunday my folks left, and I did something I haven't done in a few years: I went to church on my own accord. Neil, one of the volunteers here from California, goes to an Episcopal church in Little Rock, and I asked if I could tag along. He said "sure" so we drove south for the day. It was a very neat church, much like the one back home. There was an endearing folk choir complete with tambourine and upright bass who played along with the hymns. Afterwards we went on another adventure: dumpster diving. This was the first time I've done it, but Neil is a seasoned pro. We went behind Whole Foods and Kroger and found a plethora of produce and cake. We took our fixins back to the ranch and made a huge Indian meal for two.

After such a busy week, I completely crashed. I was lucky and had a three day weekend, so I manufactured the Zzzz's and have been riding the mayonaisse all day.

Pictures say it best

That's all for now. Life is wonderful. :)

Oh man, oh man, oh man.

A lot has changed since my last post.
One thing: I'm now nineteen. It's weird to say. When I was younger, I would think about being old, and the oldest I could imagine being was eighteen. And now I'm nineteen. I know what my goals were when I was younger for eighteen (not that I have achieved any of them) but I have none for nineteen. My birthday weekend was extremely excellent. It was my first birthday away from home, so I was afraid the homesick blues would being to play. But, I had an amazing time. Saturday night I had a baked potato bar party. Our little community here baked over 40 potatoes, played games, and watched my favorite movie. It was a really nice night- probably the best birthday party I've ever had, actually. (Not to hurt the feelings of anyone back home.) Of course it would have been better to be surrounded by the people I love the most, but it was enough to be surrounded by people that I am beginning to love.

The second thing: I now know what I'm going to be doing for the next year of my life. For the past few years, my future has been a little sketchy. Strangely enough, I've been okay with that fact. I applied to several different programs and opportunities. When I came to Arkansas I knew what I would be doing for the next three months. Tonight I came back from grocery shopping (thanks Aunt Judy for the birthday money, it came in handy for some necessities today!) and found an extremely exciting e-mail. One of the programs I applied to, City Year, accepted me. Bottom Line: I'll be living in New York City next year! It will definitely be a lot different than my situation now, but it will be nice to have the best of both worlds so close together. I'll update more about the program as I get details. I just know that I start at the end of August, and it lasts until the middle of June. And that it's in the glorious metropolis of NYC. :)

Tomorrow I get to be with my first group. I'm excited, but nervous; it'll be a group of over 60 6th graders trying to learn about deep issues like poverty and resources distribution. I hope that I have the patience and the knowledge to handle it. It should be fun, though. :)

My parents are coming to visit this weekend, and I'm very excited about that. I can't wait to show someone I love this beautiful place where I currently reside. I'm off to talk to some friends before I hit the sack.
Peace, love and happiness-

Erika